Confused by C.M.C

I fixed my bear beside me

And hug my heart-shaped pillow

My body started lying

And feel the night all alone.

My mind is wandering

The past, the present, and the future

There is always one thing the same

It’s you that I always look for.

When I closed my eyes

I saw the shades of black and red

My care and love for you

Though it is forbidden.

Many opportunities waiting for my “yes”

But still I reject

I can’t give my heart to anyone

If It’s not you who will be the one.

Last year, last month and even yesterday

I controlled my mind to stop what I feel

But how can I?

If the feeling is standing still.

Why can’t I move on

Even if I’ve already let you go

Isn’t it that I still love you?

Or I’m hoping on what you’ve said “future”.